My Heart **

i'm only me. that is all i can be. no more, no less, don't second guess. i love, i live, i laugh, i cry. i've wished sometimes that i could die. some days i'm funny, other days i'm not, sometimes i'm in overdrive and i can't stop. you may not like me, but that's okay because this is me and how i'll stay. everything that ever caused a tear to trickle running down my cheek, i run away and hide from it. but now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. and i don't know what to do. i just know the pain that i felt so long ago, hurts ten times more. i suppose i'm a little bit scared. you may not like it how i felt so much for him. but that was then. you are here now, you make me and define me. it's over after all but he's just a part of me. and i want you to know all about it, so there are no secrets. in your life, you meet people. some you never think about again. some you wonder what happened to them. there are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. and then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. but you do. It's like he's driving in a car, okay, and I just wanna be in the passenger seat, but he's locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper. You know, I'm not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in. But no, he didn't do that. So I'm hanging onto the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on and I get really badly bruised and I'm hitting poles and it hurts. I mean it really hurts. And yesterday, I had to let go of the bumper because it hurt too much… it hurt too much. I do not hate you and I have never hated you. I was angry at you and depressed by you and confused about you, but hate never came into it. Don't feel stupid for missing him, even if he treated you like shit. You still had happy memories, and yourre always going to miss them. Don't try to replace him, because you won't. Just get through each day, and eventually it will get better. I promise. Eventually someone will come into your life, and whether or not you realize it, they are going to be something special to you. So don't throw yourself at every guy you see, trying to replace him, or at least dull the memories, because you're only going to make yourself see how hard he is to replace. Someone better will eventually come along. How am I supposed to pretend I never want to see you again? I learned very early in life that I was always going to need people a little more than they needed me. "Of all the things that I should apologize for, falling in love with you definitely isn't one of them. I don't regret all those nights that I spent awake, going over each second I was with you. I won't forget those lovely kisses on my doorstep or the feeling of your lips on mine. Of every mistake in my life, you stand out the most, as the one who I'm not going to let go of."